On the specifics of my terrible writing

So maybe that title is a little overkill, but following on from the last post, I thought I would make clear the changes I'm making to my writing style. Usually I try and mix my blogs in with general advice to other aspiring authors, but things may be a little more specific to me this time. Of course if you fall prey to the same things I do/did, you are a FOOL and should be punished... I mean you can take this advice and change your own writing too. Bla.

I'm going to choose two examples of bits from my old draft, one good and one bad.

Here is the good one:

“Thing's change,” he muttered to himself quietly. And he knew he was speaking of more than his relationship with Eradeen. With every year of his life he looked back, he saw a different man, sometimes strong, other times desperately weak. Almost a year to the day his heart had been left to die by the woman he loved, and yet only two years before he had chosen her, sweet but serious Demm, to be the one he would love for the rest of his life.


A pale tear drop fell to the bottom of the page, seeping through the paper like a sea against sand. Dearon rested his head in his hands, breathing heavily as his eyes glazed over. A second tear fell, then a third, and before he could control himself he had ripped the unfinished letter in two. The torn halves rested gently on the table, unmoving in the shallow breeze.


Yeah I know I've used this example before in the blog, and no it's not the only bit of my old draft I like, but its the most poignant example I can think of. Last post I was talking about taking out some of the 'pretty' from my writing. I didn't mean bits like this. There are a few changes I would make here though; the word "shallow" is a bit pointless, maybe the "his heart was left to die" is a bit OTT, and the way some of the sentences are laid out is a bit questionable, but really these are tiny things that would get picked up in revision anyway. It's simple, to the point, and that is what makes it elegant. No where in that last paragraph have I explicitly stated Dearon's feelings, it's all actions that give you an impression of what's going on.

Now for me to be mean to myself. I love to do that. That's why I threw up in my room after drinking too much the other night so that now I have to sit in a room that smells like... anyway, enough of that. Don't drink kids, or if you're going to, don't drink like 5 different types of drink in one night. Stick to Carlsberg...

This is the bad extract, which I think I may have actually used as an example of good revision in an earlier blog, which is a little embarrassing... Oops. It's from the very start of the book. *shudder*

“Wake up Favoir”


Half-formed memories lost their focus. He tried to remember, but couldn't. He squinted. The room was dark, lit only by candles trailing smoke into his lungs, but his eyes saw a tapestry of colours, shielding the features of a new interrogator. A lead weight in his temple pulled his head downwards. The man moved closer.


*throws up again*

Seriously, I hate that now.

Like, really really hate.

You don't see why? Let me show you.

"Half formed memories lost their focus" IF THEY WERE ALREADY HALF FORMED THEY WOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN OUT OF FOCUS YOU FOOL!!!!!

"He tried to remember, but couldn't." YOU JUST SAID THE MEMORIES WERE OUT OF FOCUS TWICE IN THE LAST SENTENCE, WHY WHY WHYYY ARE YOU DOING IT AGAIN???

"He squinted." Okay enough CAPS. This was just me deliberatly putting in a short sentance to add tension. But if you're going to do that, make the short sentance something important like "the door opened" or "he screamed" not "he f***ing squinted!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111"

"The room was dark, lit only by candles trailing smoke into his lungs, but his eyes saw a tapestry of colours, shielding the features of a new interrogator." Okay this bit isn't so bad. If you can find a flaw, let me know, I wanna rip into it so bad...

 "A lead weight in his temple pulled his head downwards." = Ian thinking "I want a metaphor!" Classic example of me trying too hard, and even if it isn't a pain for the reader, it makes me shudder


"The man moved closer." Fine this bit is okay as well. Better that the bloody squinting thing...


So I think it's pretty safe to say i won't be copying that bit into the new draft. In fact I'm re-writing the prologue without a single bit of the original in it. I tried a re-write which had some bits from the original in it, and it didn't work out so well. This new one rocks so far. It's simple in a good way, like that first extract. It gets the point across, and lets the plot, characters and dialogue work their magic. I hope. I really do hope.

BUY MY BOOK when it's published.

Ian.

P.S. Very very sorry for all the caps

P.S.S. Before I go I wanna mention this blog I found. It's by a literary agent (google the term if it confuses you) and its a great insight into the world of writing and publishing, with a ton of great content. http://blog.nathanbransford.com/

A Quick Note on the Advantages of Not Listening to Me

Sometimes I ramble. In fact I ramble so much that I've tried to do this entry a few times now and failed because of my amazing rambling power. So now I am focused. Hell yeah!

Yesterday I made the point that you should 'Keep writing or the universe will implode and then no one will like you!' or something like that. Well I think I might have worded it a little wrong. What I was really talking about was the importance of not putting what you're writing away for months and months at a time, if it's going well at the time.

If things aren't going well, to the extent that you feel you need to stop and have some time to think about your book, or consider starting it again, long breaks are great. Hell, it took me two years to refocus myself after my high school draft. It was a period of reinvention, and I put pen to paper (or hands to keys more accurately) very few times during that period. It was all going on in my head, and a much better book came out of that.

But this draft now is going really well. I had my problem I described in my last post, but that was relevant to a specific chapter, not the whole thing. So overall, it's going great. I feel like this is it, this is the draft that will eventually become the final book. It'll take a lot of revisions I'm sure, but I'm also sure I wont have to start again... again.

Short breaks are great though. When I say short I mean anything from a few minutes to a few days to a few weeks. Sometimes it's good to have a little time off, because then you come back refreshed. Recently, because I'm a nerd, I've been loading up Doctor Who videos to watch when I feel like a break. I'll write for 20 minutes, then watch a bit, then do some more. 

And I do also have a life!

"Come on Ian. Who are you trying to kid here?"

No mysterious voice! It's true! I have an amazing girlfriend and great friends, and have been known occasionally to consider leaving the house to see them! Crazy I know, but true. So don't listen to me from before, telling you to 'KEEP WRITING OR ELSE I'LL KICK YOU!' because that's silly. Keep writing if it's going well, but, as a friend told me yesterday, 'man cannot live on bread alone.' 

...And just to clarify, that friend was not Jesus. Just someone quoting Jesus. As you do...

Ian.

"Help! I'm trapped in a chapter!"

So I'm currently writing Chapter Eight of my book. Now Chapter 7 and 8 both used to be the same chapter, until I realised it was going to end up at like almost 40 pages long, which I think is a little excessive considering the previous longest was just over 20. So I split it. But I think it's safe to say that in my head it still feels like one chapter. Hence, it feels like I've been stuck on the same chapter for AGES!


Naturally, I'm starting to get a little bored...


Now I know that sounds kind of worrying. 'You're getting bored of your own book Ian? Wow, it must totally suck then!'


But no! I love my book, and I don't think it's boring at all to read, but writing is very different. Sometimes writing is amazing, and I get all excited when it goes well and I write something awesome. But other times, it is basically a job. I want to get published, so I want to get this book finished; I can't just keep it as a hobby. I have to write even when I'd much rather slob in front of the telly or read a book or something EDIT: I do actually slob in front and the telly and read books and stuff, just balanced with writing as well. And with this chapter, it was getting more and more like work rather than fun. And then I got stuck...


So imagine you work in an office or something. And then imagine you have a meeting every day. And then imagine if every time you had that meeting, the exact same things were said, and when you tried to get things moving, no one would listen. That's sort of how I am, or was, writing this chapter. I got to a point where I'd lost my vision a bit, and I was just writing words down and seeing where it headed. And each time I tried to write something, it wouldn't work, and I would have to delete it, and I would be back to where I was before.


So I'm rambling here!


I'll give you some specifics. The chapter I'm writing is about a duel. Specifically, three duels taking place one after another, with the main character involved in the final one. Here is a little taste of the first duel:


Helwit lost a point within seconds. The man rushed forward with huge speed, huffing as he did so like an angry beast. Helwit panicked, clearly expecting a slower pace, and foolishly raised his sword into a simple right hand parry. The bodyguard struck left, and Helwit was forced back with a heavy blow to his arm. A second, disappointment yelp from Anthony brought the fighting to a pause, only moments after it had begun. His usual grin faltered.


So as you can see, quite descriptive of the specifics of the fight. This is only a small section, this duel goes on for a few pages. Not all of it is quite as 'in the moment' as this bit, but you get the idea. So here is an extract of the second duel:


Rendill rushed forward, striking at his enemy with the perfect balance between aggression and precision. The sound of wood on wood filled the air, each blow parried in rapid succession like a rushed drum beat. The bodyguard flustered and practically ran backwards, almost crashing into Tarill who had to leap to one side to avoid receiving his own blow from Rendill's dancing sword. Eventually the bodyguard fought to bring a distance between them, and in the few seconds before combat resumed, he took a heavy breath and smiled with animal excitement. Rendill charged forward again, the air lifting his deadlocks behind him like a mane. He made several strikes for his chest, before arcing his sword down for a blow to the knee. The parry came just in time, forcing Rendill's blade almost into the sand. This was when Helwit would have retreated. Heck, this was when Dearon would have retreated. But Rendill was different. Instead, he raised his sword up in a powerful arc, taking the bodyguards sword with it, and locked their hilts and blades together. The man's eyes widened, and a moment later Rendill tugged savagely to the side. 


Yes my characters have strange names! But once again you can see I've gone down the route of describing the specifics of the fight. This duel is a lot shorter than the previous one, and there is a short rest between, so the style doesn't (hopefully) get tiring for the reader. But here's where I ran into a problem.


I tried writing the final duel in the same style, but it just didn't work. It felt tiring to read, a real slog that left me feeling cold to what was actually going on. Actiony style writing is good in small doses, but too much and it looses its meaning. 


But I kept trying. And then I tried the opposite. I tried taking away all action, and having the duel described purely as what's going on inside Dearon's head. (Dearon = main character!). But that was boring! 


I then considered just having the duel end within the first few seconds. Crazy I know, but so crazy it just might work? Well... no. It didn't work. I was quite clearly a cop out. 


Then I considered not even writing the fight, and just showing the repercussions after. But nope! I had to admit it. I was stuck.


Now I almost stopped at this point. I almost said 'you know what, maybe I should have a bit of time off my book.' I have a bad history with writers block. It's avoided me for the most part during this draft, but previously it's been a real bitch! I couldn't write for 2 whole years at one point whilst I rethought the book in my head. I tried, a few times, but I just couldn't do it. Mainly that was because a lot of things weren't that well thought through back then. I'm much more confident this time around, so I never considered starting again, but I had defiantly hit the wall.


I think a lot of it is that I've been writing the beginning of my book for a while now. And every other draft I've done save one, I've never got past the beginning. So now that things are working out, I'm just desperate to get to the juicy middle! The problem is my story is much more the slow build up type, especially in this draft, so the last thing I want to do is rush that. I'm taking my time with it, but getting stuck now is annoying. It was becoming hard, and I like things to be easy!


But I kept writing. 


Now there is a lesson I'm glad I've learnt. A few years ago I would have stopped here. I would have put the book away, and the next time I picked it up I would feel so distant from it I would have to start a whole new draft. That's the lazy option. EDIT: When I say 'put the book away,' I mean that I would end up putting it away for months. A few days or sometimes a week off is normal for me.


I don't want this blog to be me trying to teach people lessons about writing, because I'm still learning myself, but one thing I think any writer should remember is that you can't write a book without putting down some words. Trial and error is ok, and will pay off eventually. If there are lots of big problems with the draft you're writing, maybe you should consider taking some time out to think it over, and possible even start again. But if you are just stuck on one bit, think about how excited you are to write the bit after that, and then use that rush to keep writing.


It's still not finished, but I'm much happier with this chapter now. I ended up doing a mix between actiony and in the characters head in the end. I also ended up adding a little hint of something related to the bigger plot in there, and that defiantly spiced things up a bit. Here is a little extract:


They disengaged, watching one another as they moved around the pit. Cerillius stared with an inhuman, bubbling hatred, upsetting Dearon's focus as he moved to re-engage. He struck fast, over Cerillius's guard, but the man jolted to the side, swiping back at Dearon. Their blades met, trembling against each other's power, before Dearon retreated backwards. A victim of his own size, Cerillius lost balance, moving forward with an abandoned guard and into range of Dearon's blade. He swiped forward.


This is one of the more actiony bits of the duel, but you can see a few sentences that ground it with what's going through the main characters head. A good balance, I hope! Here's another extract:


In spite of his clear aggression and rage, of every tensed muscle and gritted tooth, Cerillius waited. His breathing was heavy, lifting his chest higher with each breath, as if every intake of air was channelled into his fury. Dearon was desperate to win, and yet at that moment even he had no desire to approach him. For a long time both men stood there, fixed to the spot, Cerillius's eyes on his as he watched the bodyguard's feet for movement. The afternoon sun bathed violent light over the pit. His nerves tingled with dry sweat. There was no wind to cool him, only the casual flow of air from his lips, exhausting his lungs. 


Just making things a bit more personal to Dearon really worked I think. It still needs some going over (there are a few oddly worded things I can see already in the extracts I posted) but you get the idea. I'm glad I kept writing!


So that's my rant for today! Hopefully I can get this chapter finished before the sun goes down.


Peace out! (I can't pull that off in real life, so I'm saying it here)


Ian.


P.S. If you see any problems with the extracts I've put, please let me know, I like feedback! Also, contact me if you want to read what I've written of my draft so far.

Who is The Student Author?

Hello there!

My name is Ian Fisher, and I'm a writer...

Well, I like to think that I am. Technically I've been writing the same book, or at least a dozen or so different versions of it for the past 7 years (I'm 19 now, so you do the math!). It's a fantasy five book series that I am very intent on getting published in the future. And before you come rushing in and go 'Stop Ian! No publisher will take on a 5 book series from a first time author!' you should know I also have a few other, slightly less gigantic ideas in my head for what I will get published first.

But that's not what this blog is about!

...Well, it is...

...Well, it isn't...

...Well, it sort of is and isn't.

Hopefully this blog is going to be more about the general trials and tribulations of trying to write a fiction book(s) at this sort of age. A blog to help those looking for advice, a blog to give those of you with amazing ideas but without the confidence to start writing a good slap to get you going, and (perhaps exclusively depending on how things turn out) a place for me to rant. Because everybody needs a good rant every now and then.

So keep checking up for (hopefully) frequent updates on my own writing struggles, as well as a few tips for those writing or thinking of starting writing a novel.

Cherrio! (I don't think I've ever actually said that in real life... Now I know my goal for tomorrow!)

Ian.